Job Hunting Service
As part of the layoff package, we get a job placement service. I suppose its more of a career management program. Its very comprehensive. They have a resume writing class, interview classes and all kinds of tools to help you find a new job or transition to a whole new career. I can even get a new phone number with a professional answering service that says “office of Mr. Stave” to make it look like Im not really out of a job.
The downside is that its in Addison. Man that town just sucks the life outta me the moment I get west of Preston.
On Wednesday I went to the introduction meeting. I was in a room with 20 other folks that were recently laid off. The scary thing was that I felt like I was on the B ark of the Golgafrincham.
For those of you who have not read the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Golgafrincham is a planet that found a solution to middle management.
“Its people decided it was time to rid themselves of an entire useless third of their population, and so concocted a story that their planet would shortly be destroyed in a great catastrophe. (It was apparently under threat from a “mutant star goat”). The useless third of the population (consisting of hairdressers, tired TV producers, insurance salesmen, personnel officers, security guards, management consultants, telephone sanitizers and the like) were packed into the B-Ark, one of three giant Ark spaceships, and told that everyone else would follow shortly in the other two. The other two thirds of the population, of course, did not follow and “led full, rich and happy lives until they were all suddenly wiped out by a virulent disease contracted from a dirty telephone”.
Everybody in the room were account managers, regional sales managers or played some kind of middle management role in either the tech or loan industry. (Except me of course…and a software tester)
What the Hell Is Wrong With You People? I HAVE PEOPLE SKILLS!
Ironically, there was a guy there from Nortel who apparently ran the project that was intended to offshore all of our jobs to China. His position became too expensive too.
Still, I dont have a problem with that. Grunt programming is just that. If a global market place means that the bar is raised for my skills…well then thats what I need to do. Even without a job, I still have it better than most of the worlds population. When I was in Beijing, I saw what those folks were struggling to achieve. They were so happy just to have a job that they were more than qualified for. Good for them!
If it ultimately brings a bit closer my and my girlfriends dream of a robotic monkey that can bring us tea when we wake up…well…hey…its all worth it. I can always grow tomatoes and give violin lessons.